I wish...

Extras: "disclaimer"|cast|lyrics|links |livejournal

Vote: clix|webdiaries|top diaries|registered

a new me
4:14 PM|12-01-2001

Its December already. God, I miss November. And October. And every other month before that.

When we went to Baker yesterday, I nearly had a nervous breakdown before the show. Then, I heard the little kids, and I calmed down. They sounded so cute. I sucked, I grant you this, but it was cool. They were the highlight of my day.

*****

I've changed the layout twice today. I like this layout. I liked the picture and layout when I used it the first time, but I like it better this way.

*****

Last night and this morning, I started thinking. Which we all know is dangerous.

I thought about all of my mistakes in life, and all of the ways that I could've done it differently.And I kept thinking that I am a bad person because I didnt do it differently. None of which is new to me.

But, there was a new thought among all the recycled musings. "I don't care." It was quiet. A whisper of a thought, but it was there.

Is this a good thing? Probably.

And then, I thought to myself, "But everybody makes mistakes." Which I have thought before, but this time it was with conviction. Thats the difference.

Maybe I'm entering a new stage of teen-dome. Maybe. Maybe not.

I hope so, though. I really do.

I'm still bickering with myself inside about whether or not I'm a good person, but there is that small third person in there, growing larger. And that is the Britt that I'm going to keep living for. That small part of me.

Here's hoping I can nuture that part of me until it is a beautiful person, a person that I can be proud of.

<<|>>